Practitioners say that zen is clarity and calm surrounded by chaos. By that definition, then, I’d found it. And in the most unlikely of places.
What’s stuck with me the most was the energy that coursed through the air – a chaotic desperation, of helplessness. It was the day I kissed my ass goodbye.
Just a few weeks prior I was feeling on top of the world as only a twenty year old could. The small local business I worked for had just been purchased by a national corporation. My salary tripled, I received medical benefits, a company vehicle and they were even going to send me to New Orleans for two weeks of training. I was the king of my hill, yes I was.
The flight to New Orleans (locals pronounce it Nawlins and they cast the hoodoo curse on anyone who pronounce it New Orleens) was packed full, three seats taken by my co-workers. They were older than I was, with families and kids. Despite the gap I had become good friends with two of them. Jaime, a brick of a Hispanic, was quick with the jokes and had no qualms about sharing his opinion of his wife who he always seemed to be on the outs with. Paul was a heavy guy that reminded me of a Labrador on downers – always happy, friendly and social but as mellow as they come. Ron, our boss, was also with us but he was always a bit of a dick.
When Shit Went South
It wasn’t until the end of the flight, when the plane was over New Orleans that shit went south.
Earlier in the flight we’d hit a patch of turbulence. It wasn’t the theme park fun-ride bumpity-bump kind of turbulence, either. We received a solid minute of “I’m going to shake the living shit out of you” white knuckle kind of turbulence. Drops and pitches that sent my stomach into my throat and my heart to my legs.
Anxiety levels were through the roof up and down the aisles but the turbulence passed and we were, at that point, fine. Everyone calmed down, and we continued towards the Louis Armstorng New Orleans International Airport all cool-like.
Now, I don’t know if the turbulence was the cause of the malfunction but something, somewhere, broke.
The Captain Has Issues
“Folks, this is your captain,” said the tinny voice. “We, uh, we’ve been in a holding pattern over New Orleans, circling, for a while now. We’re having some issues with the landing gear.”
Jaime and I turned to look at each other. His round eyes, partially opened mouth, and tilted head said it all. “I hear that bad shit but there is a positive, right? There better be a positive.” The other passengers echoed him with their own gasps and murmurs.
The captain continued. “We’re going to continue to circle and consume as much fuel as possible. Right now, I’d like the flight attendants to begin preparing the cabin and passengers for an emergency landing.”
He said some other stuff but a that moment I couldn’t hear him. We had no landing gear and there wasn’t a positive.
Now’s A Good Time To Pray
The sound that finally reached me was the collective noise of the other passengers. Prayers, gasps, sobbing, questions being hollered at flight attendants and at no one.
It was a chaotic energy. People wanted to run from the danger but there was no exit. No way out. We were in it for the whole ride.
The Boy Scout Guide To In-Flight Panic
I looked around. I couldn’t see Ron or Paul. In truth, I was numb. I didn’t know what to think or what to feel. Panic didn’t seem to be the logical course of action so I did what any good Boy Scout would do. I pulled the emergency information card from the seat pocket in front of me, opened it, and stared at the pictures.
The row in front of me was the side emergency exit. A flight attendant was there explaining to the person sitting by the door what his role was once we had crashed. She asked if he was up to the responsibility. He said he was. Across the aisle, the person at that exit asked to be moved. Jaime, next to me, was asked to move to that exit seat.
A flight attendant passed down the aisle repeating instructions. “Please close your window shades. If you’re wearing eyeglasses, please remove them. Remove any pens from your shirt pocket. If you’re wearing a neck tie, remove that, too.”
No point surviving a crash in order to have a pen rammed down your throat, right?
Bend Over And try To Relax
The captain spoke. “Folks, we’re going to try a sharp pass at the runway. We’re going to pull up hard to try and dislodge the landing gear. Flight attendants to your stations.”
We were then instructed to lean forward and place our head between our legs. I’m not sure what this posture is supposed to do in the event of a crash landing. Maybe it has some calming effect because it definitely got very quiet in the cabin.
I could still hear the sniffles and prayers but the energy had shifted. Instead of an unbridled panic, the energy dulled to a low resigned hum. We all knew the situation and all we could do was wait.
The captain did his thing and took the plane down then sharply back up.
A long moment later he said, “Folks, that didn’t seem to work. We’re going to circle again and come back in but this time we’re going to land. Flight attendants, prepare for emergency landing.”
Finding Zen At 30,000 Feet
You might think that at this point I’d start thinking of my loved ones or things yet accomplished. The typical stuff you hear people say. But, to tell you the truth, I’ve yet to attain such a pure state of Zen as I had at that moment.
Thoughts came into my mind but none of them stayed. They floated out as quickly as they came in. I thought it odd that I had nothing to think about before my plane crashed so I tried to grab onto a thought (my girlfriend Carrie) but it slipped away. I then simply relinquished any idea of control and was rewarded with a deep, calming peace.
I thought this was also odd, to be so calm when clearly, the situation was anything but.
The Big Rip-Off
In truth, it all seems so anti-climactic now. We went in, head between our legs, for our crash landing. This time, though, the landing gear did come down and we landed just like any other plane would.
Once we realized what had happened – or what had not happened – the tension cracked. Folks let loose with their nervous giggles and cheers. As for myself, I was obviously glad nothing bad happened but I still felt outside myself and the situation.
Huh, I thought, so that’s what it’s like. Then, the sounds of passengers brought me back and I began to feel cheated. All that emotional investment and nothing cool to show for it?
The zen moment was gone and I wanted some sort of payoff for the experience. A cooler ending to the story, for christsakes. A wave and a smile from the airline staff? That can’t be it.
A Little T&A To Ease The Pain
Fortunately, we were now in New Orleans which promised plenty of ways to spice up a story.
Jaime and Paul took me out to my first strip club and got me drunk several times over the course of our training there. Drunk enough so that we all temporarily forgot about our plane drama.
Today, I think of it every time I board a plane. And, just a few moments ago when I purchased my ticket to Bangkok.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
True story or well crafted fiction… either way, enjoyed reading it, bro!
yeah, man, true story. don't ask about the time we were taxiing for take off and a passenger actually fell out of the plane and onto the runway. we had to turn around and go back to get him. yes, another true story.